Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
