Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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