During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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