Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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