dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
