Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
