if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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