My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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