I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
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Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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