Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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