well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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