Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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