well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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