she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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