Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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