I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
