D3 body, D1 cock
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize