im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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