I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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