You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
