i jhust puked up my retainher.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
