Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
