So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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