Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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