I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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