I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
