dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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