Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
