You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
