Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
