i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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