kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
