i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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