I think I died a long time ago.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
