but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
