haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
