a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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