so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
