Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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