It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
