that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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