evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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