I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
