Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
