dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
