my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
