I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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