you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
