Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
