I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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