So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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