The maid of honor just puked.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
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