I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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