wake up i wanna do it froggy style
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
