Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
