You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
