My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
