At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
