she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
