The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
