after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
