Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
