did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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