hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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